Monday, November 3, 2008

I have not yelled at my kids in 2 days!

I know, this sounds both good and bad, doesn't it.
But I have been trying really hard not to lose my patience with my kids and it is hard to do, especially after the tenth time of saying the same thing. I get frustrated when they will not listen right away. I know, I can't expect them to be perfect. They are 11 and 3. It is hard though for me to do. It is like, I know what I am supposed to do and I also know that how I react really sets the tone for how they will act also.
When I react in a calm patient way, they do not get all up in a roar and make things worse. I know this, yet, I still lose my patience. Why? I don't know but it always reminds me of the verse that says I know what I should do , yet I don't do it. I know what I shouldn't do, yet, I do it..
That may not be the exact words but I feel like that every day.
Probably most of us do. But I am so, so tired of being stressed out.
The last two days i have tried my hardest. MY TRICK IS TO NOT RAISE MY VOICE! It works because if you don't raise your voice, you do not get as upset. There have been a few times where it was harder and my voice may have went up an octave or two (LOL) but not yelling!!
It really is important to work really hard to not yell and lose your temper.
If you do keep on yelling and arguing with your kids all the time, you will never be able to have the relationship that you could otherwise.
I really thing that this is what make our kids rebel.
When you go about things in a way that makes them angry, they do not think, "oh, I upset my mom and I really do need to work on that", NO, they will not do that; But if you go about things more calmly and patiently, they will see things more clearly. they can't think of the situation when they are just as upset and angry as you are.
Plus, it makes it difficult to really see the best in your kids when you are always yelling and arguing and you have the mindset that says, they "always" do that or they "never" listen. It puts thoughts into your mind that need not be there. We need to not hold things against our kids.
We are supposed to be forgiving and if we are always saying they never listen, etc.. we are not truly forgiving them and we are labeling them.
If, instead, we say something like, Honey, I know you are upset at the moment but I also know that you do not want to yell at your brother, or I know that you do not want to be rude to me, so go ahead and take a deep breath and calmly tell me what is going on, it will go much smoother.
Trust me, it works and I also know it is very hard, but I can not stop thinking that this is NOT how God wants me to raise his children, by yelling at them.
He gave me these kids to train them up for him and he would not approve.
I will just keep praying and keep on working on this because I don't want to lose my kids and I will if things keep on going badly. We can not live well if we are always arguing with each other. It is hard to love one another when you are always yelling and arguing, ya know?
So, if you are having this same problem, just know that you are not alone and that you can do this. Just try not to raise your voice and focus on that and it will get easier!
I pray that we all can overcome this together.
God Bless you all.
Love, Rodna

4 comments:

Angela said...

Rodna,

Thank you so much for you honesty.
I too slip and loose my temper and yell at my kids. I know it's wrong and I see how much it tears them down, especially Jordan, but it's a part of my old self/flesh that still holds on. I know I'm no where near where I need to be patience wise, but I'm not where I used to be and I am getting better and improving with God's Grace and the Holy Spirit's leading...

Thanks again
Angela

rodnamomof2 said...

Angela, I understand. It is realy hard not to lose your patience. It is very important though to keep trying because it really matters. The way we react really shapes them and how they react to things.
it is hard but if we keep trying, it gets easier everyday.
Keep it up!
Rodna

Lori Lynn said...

Rodna,

this is one of my struggles as well. Thanks so much for the article. I will keep your advise in mind and focus on NOT raising my voice. it's so great to get some practical advise on this subject. Thank you.

Lori Lynn

rodnamomof2 said...

Your welcome Lori!
I really do find myself becoming more calm and not so quick to get mad and lose my temper the longer i try to keep from raising my voice.
I am seeing that it is just not good for the kids to have someone yelling at them.
You know, really, the ids are going to do the same thing whether you yell at them or not, but they may react differently afterwards depending on how you react. You won't stop them from doing things but you can stop yourself from getting too angry about it.
I am far from "there" but i am getting there.
Good luck! You can do it!
Rodna

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