Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Glimpse into the Future

 religious wedding

Yesterday I saw first hand what happens to a marriage when both parents are not on the same track, parenting wise.

I realized what happens when a woman steps outside of her biblical role, and tries to control her husband.

It made me so sad. Sad for the husband, sad for their marriage, and sad for my family because I see myself doing the same things.

I have studied the Bible, and many great Christian marriage books, and I know that a marriage can never be as good as God intends it to be if we are stepping out of our God given roles.

I know so many of us look at a woman's role in marriage as an awful thing, but it really isn't.

Yes, it is hard sometimes to submit to your husband when you don't agree with something he says, but we must remember that scripture tells us to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord.

We are not really submitting to our husbands for their sakes, as much as we are for the Lord.

We must remember that. You may feel like your husband doesn't deserve it, or that he doesn't make the right decisions, but you are submitting as unto the Lord.

We must still do the right thing. Even if he is not. We can't make excuses for ourselves.

I have had a lot of personal experience in this area.

Years ago I read a book called The Surrendered wife. This book changed my life.

I began to understand what God was asking of me in my marriage, not just what my husband asked of me.

When I first began to follow the advice in this book, it was hard. I had to keep my mouth shut, even when my husband said something that wasn't very nice.

One thing in particular that really bothered me was that my husband slept so late, and never wanted to get up and do anything.

Of course, I thought the best way to handle this was to yell, gripe, try to make him feel bad about about it, etc.

Of course it didn't work. lol

After reading this book, I decided to stop saying anything about it.

I decided that I would just be happy when he did wake up, and stop giving him a hard time about sleeping so late.

I can not believe the difference that it made! It was no time at all, a couple of weeks I think, before he was getting up early, and taking us out of the house to do fun activities together as a family.

I couldn't believe it. He must have not wanted to get up and face the crap I was giving him. Who could blame him really?

I have seen so many of this type of thing happen in our marriage. But it all started with me.

My husband was responding to my actions. Now, yes, I know he is still ultimately responsible for his own actions, but it really does make a huge difference when you are being the godly wife you are called to be.

You know how many ugly things the Bible says about living with a nagging wife.

I don't want to be that nagging wife.

I saw how much it can affect a marriage, even after the kids are grown, when you try to overstep what your husband says.

He is ultimately responsible for the whole family, and as hard as it is for us to submit, it is even harder for him to have all of that responsibility on his shoulders. 

I want to try to make that easier on him, instead of harder, like I have been doing lately.

I know it is hard for us moms to submit to what our husbands ask when we don't agree with him.

But think about this. What will be worse? You going ahead and being on the same page with your husband, even if you don't fully agree? Or letting the kids see that you and their dad are in disagreement, and letting them pull the two of you apart?

I honestly think that you are better off siding together, and then if you really don't agree with something, talking to him in private and praying about it, rather than letting the kids see that you can be divided.

I know we all have different circumstances, but I urge you to take a look at your marriage and see where you can improve, and I bet you will see improvement in other areas too.

I also wanted to mention a couple of other books that I have read that I really found helpful.

Daughters of Sarah
Created to be His Help Meet

Now, I don't think I agreed with everything in these books 100%, and you may not either, but they are still very much worth reading.

Let me know how things go when you try to implement what God puts on your heart.


Laura said...

Thanks for posting this!! I really needed to read this. I love reading your blog.


Very Blessed Mamma said...

Thank you Laura.

I needed to hear it too! lol

Kara said...

Thank you for joining us at NOBH...
I love your heart in this post...
I remember so well in our early years of marriage where I really struggle with submitting.
A lot of it came down to fear...but God says..."Do what is right without being frightened by any fear"
And you're so right...there is blessing in submitting unto the Lord. So nice to meet you! :)
~Kara from NOBH

Our Homeschool Reviews said...

Hey. I'm so happy that you linked up to NOBH! I actually read your post in my reader earlier and now I have time to comment. It really makes you think! It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I need to work on that.

Jesse, said...

Excellent post mama!!! It's so true isn't it....when we decide to change ourselves first with God's help- God starts doing amazing things with our husbands!! I've experience some of the same in our marriage and it's soooo much better doing things the way God says!

Renee Ann said...

I'm stopping by from NOBH. You have a loving blog, and I'm sure your words will encourage many. Hope you link up again in the future! Blessings!

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